Sideshow Rants

I'd like to be a stay-at-home cat mom. Do you think I can find a guy stupid enough to let me do that...who's also funny and hot?

Snood
Ali G
The Simpsons

My friend Sally tried to kill me. We were picking through a box of chocolates trying to figure out which candies had nuts, which I am allergic to. I'll admit, I was kind of mangling a chocolate. "Just bite it! Just bite it!" - Sally's taunting will haunt me until the day I die (Thursday, if she has her way). The candy was perfectly square so I was less suspicious and I succombed to her relentless peer pressure. NUTS! Everywhere NUTS.

So, later on, after my brush with grim death.....Sally tells me that my hair looks good, she likes the new cut, it has body. And.....she can tell from the frizzy spot on the back of my head that I got tired of drying my hair. This is entirely true. But I never wanted to hear it.

I love Sally

Do you think that at some point today you could have called the goddamn landlord to tell him the building has no fucking hot water? Think you could have squeezed this in between rolling a joint and smoking a joint?

At least the lesson I learned this morning won't be wasted: One teapot of boiling water, when mixed with equal parts ice-cold tap water, yeilds about 4 pitchers of warm water.

I'm going to start wearing shoes around the house.